Sex Positive LA
by Lauren Meching
“Accepted,” “comforted,” and “horny.”
These were just a few of the sentiments expressed by roughly 40 embracing, swaying strangers as they revealed their feelings at the close of Sex Positive Los Angeles’s (SPLA) bi-monthly orientation this past Friday. Spanning a wide variety of sexual and gender identities, the once unfamiliar faces connected over food, touch and intimate details over the course of the five hour event. This closing activity was one of many that sex-positive designed to help attendees open up about their sexualities and learn more about care, confidentiality, boundaries and consent.
Lead by Jackie “Quiddity” Foster, a “social engineer and adventure advocate” for SPLA, the orientation embraced new members into Sex Positive World, a movement whose mission is to create a gender and sexuality inclusive community for members to develop confidence and control in their sexual identities and strengthen each other through various social events. Members are carefully selected through an application process to ensure that their motivations behind joining are in line with SPLA’s ethics. These include opinions on leadership, boundaries and consent, and sexual preferences/orientation, essentially weeding out people searching for a “hook up group.”
Events are coded by level and can range anywhere from workshops and informational meetings (level one) to full on, full touch sex parties (level four). Members can attend any events within their comfort zones, and can even host their own after being a member for a certain amount of time. In line with their all encompassing and all accepting philosophy, SPLA stresses that “sexual expression should be celebrated, not tolerated,” and encourages event planners to keep this in mind while organizing activities.
A majority of SPLA’s orientation consisted of each attendee giving a two to three minute summary of their sexual journeys. Stories revealed a mixture of fear, anxiety, confidence, certitude, and joy that was completely unique to each individual. It was clear that no two people had completely identical ideas towards sex and sexuality, and that no two people pursued membership in SPLA for the same reason.
Boundaries and consent are major aspects of SPLA, which were explained and reinforced throughout the night. One game in particular partnered two individuals, a male-identifying person and a female-identifying person. Foster prompted the male-identifiers to ask a very forward question to their partner, to which they must respond with a “no.” After this was practiced a couple of times, the roles switched. Participants were encouraged to respond with “thank you for taking care of yourself,” after hearing a no rather than lashing out or reacting angrily. Foster also stressed the importance of “recognizing a maybe and treating it as no.” Many participants found it foreign or difficult to say no. Foster explained that this stems from a culture in which sex has been shamed, creating an environment in which men are generally encouraged to harass females following rejection.
After ensuring that attendees had a strong grasp on what it means to have consent, Foster created groups of four to close the night with group hug sessions. As everyone transferred positive energies to their group members, love filled the room and each person left with a firm grasp on what it means to be truly sex positive.